Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
