Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
