I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
