Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
