I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
