Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
