you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
