All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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