He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
