tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
