goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
