Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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