it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
