I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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