Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
