Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
