I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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