My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
