i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
