scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
