Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
