You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
