Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
