We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
