a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
