i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
