shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
