I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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