They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
