she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
