That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
