She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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