I got chris browned last night
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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