Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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