hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you win again, gameday.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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