Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
