I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
