id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
