So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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