he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
