How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
