69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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