Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
