ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
