I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
