You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
