I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
