I just saw a hot homeless man
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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