I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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