Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
