Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How external is "for external use only"?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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