Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You ate ashes out of my bong
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
