i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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