youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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