I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
