was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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