Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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