I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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