i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
