Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
