feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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